Life is . . .

Life is weird

Life is beautiful

Life is love

Life is illness

Life is hope

Life is desire

Life is passion

Life is work

Life is painful

Life is empowering

Life is raw

Life is ever changing

Life is scary

Life is thrilling

Life is laughter

Life is love

Kinda sorta doing NaNo

I LOVE November! The smell of NaNoWriMo is in the air! :)

I'm doing it (kind of) for a couple of weeks with POPULAR then I have to switch to editing. Deadline is 11/30, so I'll be off for Xmas! Well, I've got another project that I want to write and a new paranormal YA that I want to work with. I've put KEPT on the backburner for a tiny bit. Just to give myself a little more space from the project.

I've got news to announce soon that kind of revolves around KEPT. Can't wait to share!

Happy writing. xx

Choices

Super busy getting back into work. POPULAR is due soon and we just got back from the third trip to Mayo. Making a fourth trip in December and I'm continually hoping for good results.

Lots of things went down this week. Choices, possible opportunities, having to make huge decisions, yes or no answers, things maybe happening, things maybe not . . . a whole freaking lot can change in two days.

It's kind of a lot to absorb. Makes the ground feel a little shaky when you thought it was solid. Nothing's happened and nothing will happen tomorrow, but it's definitely something on my mind and the possibility of weighing options or having to make choices is rattling around my brain.

Very vague, I know. But that's how this is--one thing depends on another and so on.

For now, I'm going to try and plant my feet on the ground and not think about/worry/obsess over anything until/when it comes.

Now vs. then

I hope the saying's true about things getting really bad before they get better...because things are REALLY bad right now. It's kind of one of those times where it feels as if things will never change--someone will never feel well again. Laughter won't be rare. You won't be awake until 4am because your body won't let you sleep. Pain won't be present every second. Work won't become something that doesn't transport you to another place but feels as though it's taking you away from a person who needs you. Life won't be at a standstill. Time won't revolve around pills. Bottles of vicodin, morphine, dilaudid, oxy and a zillion other medications won't be permanent fixtures of the bedroom. Doctor visits won't be cried over.

Instead...

Smiles will be real and more present. Life will still be challenging, but won't feel insurmountable. Going out will be an option. Alcohol will be consumed. Dancing to Top 20 hits will leave you feeling exhausted in the best way. Work will be something that calls to you during the day and keeps you up late into the night. Life will just BE.

After this is over, I swear I'll never complain about anything again. Nothing will ever compare to this.

Well, hello again!

Yes, it's been forever since I've blogged here. It's been an insane time--the craziest of my life. Some things that have happened since I last blogged:

* I spent three weeks at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN with K

* We're going back to Mayo in mid-September

* I wrote INITIATION

* I finished the outline for a Violet & Ruby Productions book

* The Barnes & Noble at the Apache Mall in Rochester agreed to host me for a signing on September 18th at 2pm. (Please come so I'm not alone!) :)

* A couple of big things happened that are secrets for now, but MAN, I want to reveal them!

* My friend Bri got K and me hooked on DANCE MOMS. It is the best guilty please e-v-e-r.

* I got feathers in my hair! Two purple and one pink.

* I got a new gorge HP laptop that I still haven't had time to set up. (Bad!)

* I had some time to read for the first time in forever. Devoured Sara Shepard's TWISTED and am loooving Melissa Walker's SMALL TOWN SINNERS.

* I read an ARC of HORSES NEVER LIE ABOUT LOVE and was blown away. Even cooler? I was asked to blurb it. It comes out in November, so I'll be sure to remind everyone. It's a beautiful book.

* Kate's great-uncle passed and K, R and I spent about 2 and a half-ish weeks living on the UES in his apartment helping K's grandmother.

* R's grandmother passed and he spent a weekend in Baltimore.

Those are the highlights, really. We're all kind of waiting to go back to Mayo now and get K out of the pain she's in. Nothing--no drug or alternative--can stop this pain. I hate it. I put my hands on the spots and wished they would flow out of her body and into mine. It's not fair. She's been sick for a year and a half--I wish I could take it away even for just a day.

I've gotten closer to my friend, B. She's the best to text and I wish she lived closer!

I haven't been working on KEPT. I've been too busy with Canterwood and personal things. But I want to pick it up again soon.

What's new with everyone?

Might be MIA

Just a heads up, I'm going through some serious personal issues and might be offline for a while. I will do my best to blog/Tweet/celebrate Chosen's release as I can, but I wanted to let Team Canterwood know that I might be offline for a little while in the future.

Much <3 to you all!

Brooklyn girl, baby!

I opened the door expecting to have a package from UPS with stuff from work or something I'd ordered online. Instead, a nice guy asked for Jess Ashley and handed me a vase of flowers.

Kate and Ross got me flowers for my two year anniversary in New York. According to the card, I'm now a "true New Yorker."

Wow.

Sometimes, it feels like I've been here for ten years. Sometimes, a week. I still get lost on new trains, still go the wrong way when trying to find strange buildings and still Google Map any new place I go and hand draw a map. But I'm not afraid of going to new places.

I used to be.

When I first moved here, the only place I felt that I knew how to get back and forth from without having to worry was to S&S. I would get on the train at 7th Avenue, put on my headphones and ride the 45-ish minutes into the city. And that's not to mention how long it took me to feel comfortable to play my iPod because I was sure the conductor would change the route with a message that the train was going to the Bronx or somewhere far away. I was convinced I'd get lost and never find my way back to Park Slope again. (Not being a drama queen--I was serious!)

But now, it's almost as if I instinctively know how to get home. And home for me is the best place to be in the entire city. I'm happiest when I'm in cozy socks, yoga pants, a PINK t-shirt and doing anything--or nothing at all--with my bestie.

If you passed me on the streets, you'd probably think I was a tourist. I've always got my BlackBerry out and am taking pictures of everything. I wear Brooklyn hoodies, a "Gaga for Brooklyn" (she's performing on May 27 for GMA, btw . . . )T-shirt and it'll soon be warm enough for me to wear my "I love New York" shirt. I know that it's not "cool" to do that when you live here, but I don't care. I haven't gotten past the giddy stage of living in the city that never sleeps.

I'm a Brooklyn girl and proud of it!

Much love to all of my Brooklyn family and friends who have supported me here. I love you all.